Berlusconi Fails To Run Trains To France On Time

Italy’s trains are experiencing some unfortunate timetable issues, admitted comedy dictator Silvio Berlusconi, after France delayed ten trains at the border because North African migrants - granted temporary residence permits by his government - assumed for some reason that, as legal EU residents, they had the right to travel within the EU.

France's railways have dealt with undesirables before

Italy’s ambassador in Paris lodged a voluble protest at France’s unilateral hold-ups - only to come up against a brick wall of Gallic shrugs from Nicolas Sarkozy.

“It may be that this is not covered by the Schengen border code rules,” commented EU home affairs commissioner Cecilia Maelstrom. “But it would seem that they had the right to do this. Excuse me, is this fence occupied?”

French officials insisted that they had no problem with any destitute North African refugees entering the country, as long as they brought along several thousand euros to live on.

“Although if zey air wearing ze burqa, zey are needing also a couple of hundred euros a day to pay ze fines, isn’t it?” laughed one border guard, as he hectored another hapless refugee. “Your papers, pliss?”