Finding A Space In House Of Lords Car Park Now Damnably Hard

Lord Adonis can't bear to rub shoulders with people like himself

A cross-party group of senior peers of the realm has rebuked prime minister David Cameron, warning him to stop creating any new peers as they are finding it “damnably difficult” to get a parking space since he added 117 “grubby little parvenus in their ghastly polyester suits” to the upper house.

Curiously, all 13 peers who endorsed University College London’s report into recent pressures on the House happen to be grubby parvenus themselves, including such jumped-up photocopier-seller johnnies as Lord Mackay of Number 23, Railway Cuttings, Lord Woolf of This Site Available For Redevelopment, Baroness Showgirl, Baroness Sousaphone, wee Lord Steel’s Spitting Image puppet and Lord Narcissus of that ego.

The group, which consists mostly of former MPs, added that the rapid influx of so many new ex-MPs has had a negative effect on the convivial, non-partisan atmosphere in the House of Lords Bar and Peers’ Dining Room.

“We’re all right so far, but what is desperately needed is for some commoner called Jack to pull a ladder up after us,” cautioned Lord Narcissus, as he admired his ermine-draped reflection in a full-length mirror.