Pub Landlady Destroys Entire Economic Structure Of Football

Karen Murphy contemplates a lifetime of dodging Sun hacks

Portsmouth pub landlady Karen Murphy is celebrating today with a small glass of wine, after single-handedly bringing down the entire financial edifice of the world of football.

A non-binding opinion from Advocate General Juliane Kokott of the European Court of Justice suggests that it may not be entirely fair for broadcasters like Sky to throw unimaginably vast buckets of money into football in return for exclusive regional broadcasting rights which they then recoup by helping themselves to the contents of football addicts’ increasingly threadbare bank accounts and wallets.

On hearing the catastrophic judgement, which will see their fees plummet from millions of pounds to about £50 per match plus bus fare for away games, hundreds of top footballers immediately hanged themselves with their own bootlaces, while the FA and UEFA swiftly filed for bankruptcy.

However, Sky’s CEO James Murdoch vowed to fight the decision, which will probably not be ratified by the full European Court of Justice once Mr Murdoch’s papers explain to its members just how much dirt they have gathered on each of them.

“But if that fails,” warned Mr Murdoch, “We’re declaring war on Greece. It’s as simple as that.”