|One truckload of economy-class proles has already been delivered|
The new Scumbag College will be sited exactly halfway between the two university towns, on an industrial estate immediately to the north of London Luton Airport.
A broad spectrum of disciplines will be offered to Scumbag’s ghastly undergraduates, according to dons. The hi-tech Science Car Park will offer Idiotics, Applied Violence, Xbox Studies and Psychoology; the Arts and Humanities warehouse will cover traditional courses such as Freeview Studies, Bad Language, Graffiti History and Play-Doh Sculpture; and the Scumbag Business Shed will teach Politics and Banking.
“A tear-off qualification from Scumbag will have exactly the same value as a real degree from any of the more respectable Oxford and Cambridge colleges,” promised Mr Clegg. “In the language of its intended customer base, that’s 27 big ones squire - only upfront, if you don’t mind, as a smack in the mouth often offends.”