Look, Now You’ve Made Phillip Schofield Sad

Aww, wook at his sad witow eyes

ITV viewers were branded ‘cruel’ today by a protective Ofcom, after their complaints about something said by one twerp to another on some shit skating show upset dear little Phillip Schofield, 48.

2,000 of the sort of creature that watches ITV instead of enjoying the only life it’s got jammed switchboards with their sub-lingual bleating on Saturday night, after a thing called Karen Barber said something petty and spiteful about a thing called Jason Gardiner, after the Gardiner thing had cynically attempted to award points based on a newbie skater’s actual performance rather than his VC.

When poor little Phillip – who may or may not have something to do with the ratings-whoring undertaking, as if it matters – heard about the complaints, bless his little cotton socks, he poured his little heart out on Twitter.

“It’s crazy,” wailed the nicest little chap in television. “I like Auntie Karen lots, and I like Uncle Jason lots too. Will they really have to be put in the stocks next week and pelted with rotten cabbages? I don’t understand when people get cross, and now I’m all upset.”

Ofcom later confirmed that it would be investigating the nasty, horrid complainants, with a view to banning them from owning a television until they learn to say only nice things about people in future.