|Good luck, professor - make us proud|
Wobbling back and forth, Professor Clipson was at pains to deny that he will simply be a helpless passenger as his fiery unicycle careers along the Brighton seafront next week, at the apex of a 150-yard gout of flame.
“Whilst it is undeniably true that the Bloodpoodle differs from conventional unicycles in that it has no actual pedals as such,” he explained, furiously scribbling equations on the back of an envelope, “Nonetheless I still have a vital role to play in maintaining its precarious balance. Dear me, if I should lean so much as half an inch too far forward - even for a fraction of a second - this diabolical contraption could tunnel through the fragile mantle of the earth in less than half a minute, catastrophically transforming the whole of the South Downs into a gigantic, unstoppable volcano.”
When asked what purpose would be served by a Mach 4 unicycle, the professor blinked and asked for the question to be repeated slowly.
“Well…er, it’s British,” he explained, after giving the matter some thought.