|If you want the books too, squire, you can have the lot for a quid|
“Roll up now, gents, roll up!” shouted Mr Cameron, striding around the Square Mile and banging a large drum. “Everything must go! Don’t miss these once-in-a-lifetime bargains! Come on, what am I bid for this lovely library? It might be a bit old, sir, but it’s almost in mint condition – only been used by one little old lady!”
Hedge fund managers and private equity investors were soon flocking around Mr Cameron and haggling for special deals, such as a free hospital thrown in if they took a job lot of schools off his hands.
“Don’t miss the next lot – a complete set of planning officers, with a matching set of building inspectors!” he urged his eager punters. “Wouldn’t they look lovely, all sat in a row on a big supermarket chain’s mantelpiece? And there’s oodles of money to be made from social services, ladies and gents! Why put those at-risk kids into expensive care homes, when you can offer the parents a buyback deal with a tidy mark-up for your trouble?”
“Any offer considered!” shouted Mr Cameron above the hullaballoo. “The whole lot’s got to go! It’s a crying shame to see good public services thrown on the scrapheap, but that’s what’ll happen to any stock I can’t shift! A fiver for waste collection services, madam? Lovely jubbly!”