|"He won't live to collect his pension, you say? Oh, my."|
“Drinking too much, you say? Dear, oh dear,” smiled a spokesman for the Department of Health. “Not living to a ripe old age, you say? Well I never… Gosh, crikey, thanks for alerting us. Was there anything else? Well, goodbye then.”
“You know, if I didn’t have a touching faith in the impeccable moral authority of Britain’s politicians I might begin to wonder if the government wasn’t in some way under the influence of drink manufacturers,” mused Ian Gilmore, former president of the Royal College of Physicians and co-author of the report in the Lancet, as he was gently ushered out onto the pavement.
A government spokesman was quick to deny the allegation. “While the Conservative party is deeply grateful for all the money it gets from the drinks industry, this in no way guarantees that their interests will be put before the far more important contributions of the big supermarkets,” he insisted.