Saturday, 29 January 2011

Army Called Upon To Prop Up Unpopular NUS President

As ordinary workers joined forces with student protesters on the turbulent streets of London and Manchester, hated NUS president Aaron Porter desperately called on the army to protect him from his own people.

If this tyrant is toppled, everything will sort itself out
The angry protesters - who are complaining about intolerable fees, taxes, fuel prices, rising unemployment, the creeping privatisation of the NHS, the continuing cold weather, the baby-snatching storyline in EastEnders, the new Facebook profile and the sudden cancellation of their Egyptian winter breaks - say they are no longer interested in the meaningless nobodies in government, and will settle for nothing less than the overthrow of the NUS president himself.

“Porter has shown himself to be arrogant and out of touch with the very people he claims to represent,” shouted a downtrodden socialist worker, outside the burning police station in which the beleaguered president has sought refuge. “We, the ordinary revolutionary people of Britain, will not be diverted from our objective of relieving him of power until we come up with another diversion.”

The BBC later apologised.

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