|Or you could treat yourself to a nice cigar, of course|
“Yes, I know, I’m all heart,” beamed Justice Secretary Ken Clarke, as he put the first of several brand new fivers into the pot. “People ask me how we can possibly afford to fling such vast sums of money around, what with this recession some people think they’re having, but isn’t it important that the victims of serious crime have access to the best emotional and practical support that five quid can buy?”
“All the more so, of course, since there are going to be an awful lot more criminals strolling about once my shake-out of the prison service starts to kick in,” he chortled sagely.
The BBC later apologised.