‘Hey Up, It Happens That I’m Ever So Working Class By Gum,’ Announces Miliband Two

'And why is this Nora person  flipping?'

The long-forgotten contest for the leadership of what’s left of the Labour Party struggled back into the news today, as Miliband Two roundly denounced the New Labour movement in which he was happy to bask for thirteen years and revealed himself as a grimy, calloused labourer who was the natural representative of millions of ordinary working-class people.

“By heck, we lost five million voters by sucking up to toffee-nosed people like ourselves,” admitted the lesser of two clones, newly respendent in his exquisitely-tailored cloth cap and silk braces. “So it’s time for me to reveal my true roots as a genuine horny-handed son of a lowly Oxford don. Unlike my posh brother, obviously.”

“Myself, I love nothing better after a hard day’s toil than to relax before the television with a foaming tankard of Cabernet Sauvignon and enjoy a right corking game of footer, “he added. “Come along now, you red chaps.”