Thieving Capitalist Bastards Deeply Hurt By Ingratitude of Exploited

Upset members of the Bilderberg Group spent this morning crying on each other's shoulders, after a global poll commissioned by BBC Worldwide revealed that their human resources' enjoyment of callous exploitation for the benefit of a handful of faceless corporatists has plummeted to 11%.

In 15 out of the 27 countries surveyed, a majority of resentful peasants even dared to suggest that control of major industries should be seized by the ineffectual governments which kindly capitalists have thoughtfully provided, in order to give people the heart-warming illusion of democratic power.

"We only ever wanted to spread the love by selling serfs the iPhones, XBoxes, HDTVs and delicious carbonated phosphoric acid that make their ant-like lives just about endurable," sobbed a red-eyed plutocrat. "And this is the thanks we get?"

"After selling my children into legalised servitude to stitch gaudy t-shirts for fashion-conscious young Westerners, I must admit I was rather disappointed when the sweat-shop suddenly sacked everyone," said starving Thai pauper Chanarong Na Pattalung, as he took a short break from scavenging a festering rubbish dump for discarded peelings. "It seems that a Mr Tesco decided to free up more floor space for the copious amounts of alcohol that Westerners require to endure the festival of their god's birth."

"As I lay awake at night listening to my children's empty stomachs rumbling, I must admit that I find it harder and harder to shake the gnawing suspicion that perhaps free-market capitalism is not quite the philanthropic jamboree that the free-market capitalists promised," he added.

Stung by the unexpected criticism, the disappointed exploiters soon rallied and hit back at their unappreciative customer-slaves.

"It is an undisputed fact that the only conceivable alternative to the instinctive free-market capitalism which separates mankind from the animals is the unnatural beast of Stalinism," they declared in a joint press release this afternoon. "But hey, if you really want to live in permanent fear of the gulag, that's okay by us. We've already got our top men working on tenders for the lucrative construction contracts."