Doctors in Paris have warned that having sex with gorillas can lead to HIV infection, after a 62-year-old woman from Cameroon was found to be infected with a strain of the virus previously unknown in humans but recently discovered in the shy, rare mountain ape.
"The woman in question claims not to have had any contact with gorillas, or eaten bush meat from gorillas," said researcher Jean-Christophe Plantier of the University of Rouen. "However, she is as black as the aces of spades, so she is obviously lying. We have locked her in a room, are and bombarding her with photographs of gorillas in a variety of erotic poses. We think it is only a matter of time before she tears off her clothes and attempts to make love with the projector screen."
Others in the scientific community have suggested that the fast-adapting HIV strain could simply have spread from chimpanzee hosts to gorillas and humans quite separately - but the Parisian research team poured scorn on such ideas.
"However, there is one other possibility," admitted Dr Plantier. "It may be that this savage is not a human being at all, but a strategically-shaved female gorilla. There is, after all, a great deal of similarity between the angry grunts of the king of the apes and the wild jabbering of an excitable Frenchman."
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