As the Australian Tourist Board buys itself another chunk of bargain-basement publicity by offering another four lucky Britons 'employment' as 'island explorers', news editors joyfully abandoned all pretence of telling people what is actually happening in the world and turned their bulletins, newspapers and websites over to any corporate entities with a product to sell who can come up with a suitably daft non-job.
"Hats off to the diggers for dreaming up this fantastically cheap but effective marketing tool," said Sky News' political editor, Adam Boulton, as he added 'keen snorkeller' to the CV he was about to email. "Thanks to the growing flood of 'best job in the world' emails and faxes we're receiving, we can dispense with tiresome, expensive journalism completely."
Somerset's tourism has also been boosted recently by the acres of headlines generated by Wookey Hole's inspired '£50,000 witch' announcement. The successful witch, Caroline Bohanon, is already reported to spend her days crying out of sheer boredom and complaining about her hessian rags giving her eczema.
"Fifty thousand smackers may seem loik a gurt big sack of oats to the average wage-slave," said Somerset's Head of Tourism, Giles Farmer, "But believe you me, moi 'ansum, 'taint chicken feed compared to a three-week multimedia campaign on every digital TV service provider, an' all them papers an' freesheets - not forgettin' they new-fangled popups on yer browser, as no bugger reads anyway."
"Oo arr," he added.
In a Nev Filter exclusive, by blatantly refusing to comply with the 'Embargo Until' dates printed in bold at the top of the press releases we can offer a sneak preview of next week's biggest headlines.
MONDAY: Birmingham Council willing to award £50,000 to anyone capable of spending an entire week's staycation in city as a 'holidaymaker'
TUESDAY: Theme park offers brave punter £75,000 to go on every ride without being maimed
WEDNESDAY: London Tourist Board offers hundreds of joblesses £5,000 tax-free lump sum to be beheaded at Tower of London - hourly! Don't miss the gory fun, kids!
THURSDAY: Lord Mandelson dangles £1000-a-year dream job as peripatetic world travellers before disillusioned doley graduates (hang on, they've rolled this one out ahead of schedule - Nev)
FRIDAY: Queen tempts Prince Charles with £2m a year to live out rest of life as lowly prole
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