Four out of five doctors would not seek professional help if they had mental health problems, according to a survey published in the journal Clinical Medicine. Instead, they say, they would rather turn to their friends, family, wine merchant and bank balance for comfort and support.
"Every single day I'm not on the golf course, I have to sit here pretending to be interested, while a never-ending torrent of human detritus presents its predictably unimportant sniffles, hot flushes, piles, constipation, screaming shits or rampaging crabs," said one Birmingham doctor. "If it's not that, then either they don't want to be pregnant or they do want to be pregnant. I wish they'd make up their bloody minds. It's enough to drive a saint potty."
Doctors said the main thing preventing them from accessing the mental health services offered by the NHS was that they knew about the mental health services offered by the NHS. Some, however, also cited the potential impact on their huge salaries, should they be formally diagnosed as disassociative sociopaths with persistent delusions of infallibility, as a potential discouragement.
"There is a wide variety of treatments available for mental health issues," explained a specialist consultant. "But the best one, if you ask me, is prevention rather than the cure - i.e. getting paid twice the salary for doing less work."
"Of course, this particular form of occupational therapy has only been made available to doctors," he added. "If you are not a doctor, go away and make an appointment with a Community Psychiatric Nurse for six weeks of patronising chit-chat."
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