Bankers have thanked shadow chancellor George Osborne for his carefully-considered contribution to the ongoing debate over their remuneration packages, in which he suggested that nobody working for banks which have received bailouts from the government should receive a bonus.
As a token of their deep appreciation, the British Bankers' Association is sending the Tory front-bencher a length of rope, together with a detailed set of instructions explaining how to piss up it.
"We appreciate that, as a politician under investigation for flipping his second home and claiming for a £450,000 mortgage, having previously claimed the highest expenses of any MP, George is extraodinarily well qualified to lecture us on the immorality of milking the public purse for all it's worth," said Angela Knave, chairman of the BBA. "Unfortunately, all his plans would achieve would be a rapid exodus of all staff above cashier level at the affected banks and the consequent failure of half of the UK's banking sector, followed by the swift and permanent implosion of what remains of the economy."
"Of course, we realise that his comments will play very well to the angry idiot in the street, who sees us all as a self-serving cabal of greedy, incompetent bastards who ought to be strung up from the nearest lamp-post," she explained. ""Hence our symbolic gift, which is to remind the public of Comrade Stalin's comments about the capitalists selling them the rope."
"Ha ha ha," she added.
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