Peter Mandelson, the well-known artist, has announced that the leadership of Great Britain is open to anyone in one-hour stints, after denying that he was in charge of the country while Gordon Brown is on holiday.
"Good Lord, do you think I want to be associated with the current catalogue of woes that's hitting the papers on a daily basis?" laughed Mr Mandelson, as he steered a JCB into Central London, looking for volunteers. "No, I'm putting the people into Number Ten, one at a time, through an upstairs window. Anyone who wants to be prime minister for an hour can apply by standing in front of this forklift and jumping aboard. Let's face it, they couldn't do any worse than that hatchet-faced Scots prick, who of course has my full support until the day after the Tories win the election."
Soon after, a cheerful Mr Mandelson was spotted trundling back towards Downing Street, carrying an unkempt, wild-eyed prophet of doom whose sandwich-board straps had become entangled in the forklift.
"The end of the world is nigh," screamed the trapped loony, on his way to a brief appointment with fame, celebrity and the levers of government. "Prepare ye for the second coming!"
Mr Mandelson was seen to smile enigmatically to himself, before driving off.
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