Tuesday 11 August 2009

Baying Mobs Purge Nation of Tracey Connellys, Steven Barkers, Peter Owens

Enraged hordes of tabloid readers have delivered swift vigilante justice to everyone in Britain who happens to share the names of Baby P's killers, which were made public today after a court anonymity order expired.

"AAAAARRRRGGGHHHH BAAAASTAAAARDS," explained one crowbar-wielding member of the public, standing exultantly over the unrecognisable pulp which was all that remained of harmless TV repairman Steven Barker from Rotherham.

It now seems likely that the only Tracey Connelly and Steven Barker left alive in the UK are the child-murderers themselves, who are safely locked inside maximum-security gaols. Peter Owens, the brother of Barker, is almost certainly dead - along with thousands of his innocent namesakes - as he had been released back into the community on probation.

"I fucken can't stand fucken child abusers, they make me fucken skin crawl," said a blood-soaked mother of six in Southend, still shaking with righteous rage, as her children sat on the floor obsessively playing Halo 3 on their Xbox for the 338th consecutive day. "Willya fucken shut up, ya little fuckers? I'm fucken tryen to tell this fucker how much I fucken hate child abusers. Fuck's sake, I fucken wish I'd fucken took it up the arse when I met yer dads."

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