Thursday, 26 February 2009

Ye Olde Edgy NME Awards Celebrate Rebirth of British Musical Talent

The stars of popular music and culture were out in force for the freshly-reinvented, cutting-edge NME Awards ceremony, held at the Globe Theatre last night.

The coveted Best Band title went to Britpop stalwarts Gilbert and Sullivan, who were sadly unable to attend the star-studded gala in person as they were currently working hard on being dead. A medium gave fans a graphic description of them receiving their award in the afterlife from Russell Brand, who was killed especially for the occasion.

However, the pair controversially lost out in the Hero of the Year category, which was won by US President Abraham Lincoln for his abolition of slavery - despite claims from some quarters that he shamelessly stole the idea from British experimentalists.

The duo's longstanding rivals, Flanagan and Allen, then presented a surprise to guests at the event by appearing on stage for the first time since they died, to deliver a barnstorming performance of their classic hit, 'Run Rabbit Run'.

Later in the evening, the Sexiest Male award went to long-dead bandleader Ted Heath - who, with His Orchestra, also won Best Live Band for the second year running, thanks to their clever fusion of elements of Dixieland jazz and swing into a dancefloor-friendly 'Big Band' sound.

The coveted award for Godlike Genius went to an ancient order of cowled monks, who have been steadily wowing generations of teenagers with their combination of in-your-face plainsong, epic polyphonic chants of Latin prayer and lusty renditions of 'Sumer Is Ycumen In' since the 13th century.

Finally, Villain of the Year - for the 1009th year in succession - was Satan, whose unholy works are, alas, still troubling the faithful even today.

The ceremony, hosted by edgy young comedian Geoffrey Chaucer, will be broadcast on Channel 4 when television is invented.

No comments: