Friday, 27 February 2009

Why Not Take A Dump In The Aisle, Suggests Ryanair

Budget airline Uryanair has proposed charging passengers a pound to use the lavatory on its flights, as part of a wide-ranging scheme to fool its simple-minded passengers with even cheaper 'fares' and then sting them with exorbitant charges for everything they need.

The airline has already suggested charging people for checking in at the airport, saying that passengers wishing to avoid paying the additional fee are perfectly at liberty to risk being blasted to extinction by trigger-happy airport police, as they try to scramble over the airport boundary fence and run across the runway to their plane as it waits for clearance to take off.

PR chief Steven McNamara said that Uryanair had previously looked into the possibility of putting a coin slot on the toilet door, and was now investigating the idea again. The airline's fleet would also have the carpets removed, he explained, otherwise the overwhelming stench of accumulated bodily waste would almost certainly drive gagging passengers to kick out the windows at 35,000 feet, with predictably catastrophic consequences.

"Many of our passengers are unfamiliar with the concept of a lavatory anyway," said Mr McNamara. "Uryanair tends to attract barely-sentient lowlifes from the dregs of humanity, who feel no embarrassment at all in dropping their pants and evacuating their stinking bowels in full view of the public."

"So if the pilot and cabin crew are behaving like that, there's no reason to think the passengers won't do the same," he added.

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