Friday, 30 January 2009

Honda Plant Suspends Car-Spewing Activities

Honda’s car-spewing plant in Swindon is to shut down for four months from today, as the enormous pit at the end of its production line is now overflowing with unsold cars.

“The production line is now completely blocked and, in order to prevent the entire factory from backing up with half-finished cars, we have reluctantly turned off the car tap,” said a spokesman for the Japanese manufacturer, which today announced that its profits had plummeted to a paltry £795m. “It seems that, of late, people have unaccountably become less keen to spend money on our garish, overpriced Tonka toys.”

Honda has traditionally enjoyed an enviable reputation for building ugly cars that work, despite – or perhaps because of – the fact that their cars are inexplicably more expensive than all the other ugly Japanese cars that work.

“Our cars are seen by the Clarkson-addicted British public as the Japanese equivalent of BMWs,” said the spokesman. “Except, of course, that BMW drivers are arrogant, road-hogging wankers who need to be beaten to death with a wheel-jack - whereas Honda drivers are irritatingly smug, but just about tolerable.”

Honda engineers estimate that it will take four months to drill through the earth’s mantle, enabling them to restart production by dumping freshly-built cars straight off the line into a vast lake of seething magma.

“We are currently in talks with Lord Mandelson about getting the taxpayer to stump up the money for this,” added the spokesman.

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