A leading Labour Party policymaker, Jim Murphy, has prioritised the sacking of the Strictly Come Dancing judges as the only way to steer the nation through the worst global recession in decades.
The former NUS president told viewers of BBC1’s Question Time that underperforming slacker John Sergeant was truly representative of modern Britain - utterly useless, well past his prime and generally a bit too full of himself, yet a source of pride and inspiration to many - while the evil, scheming judges were emblematic of the stock markets, unscrupulous mortgage lenders and al-Qaeda.
“I haven’t really thought this one through,” admitted the cherub-faced Scottish Secretary, “But I know a bandwagon when I see one, and if there should happen to be a snap election - in June, say - then the electorate should know that a vote for Labour means giving the finger to the Strictly Come Dancing Judges.”
“Unless everyone’s forgotten all about it by then, of course,” he added. “In which case we’ll support the most stereotypically camp housemate in Big Brother.”
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