Very Late News: Racist Party Members Face Threats and Intimidation

Members of Germany’s National Socialist Party, speaking through a time warp created by a top-secret Black Forest research station in 1945, have told the Nev Filter that they are living in fear of intimidation and violence, after their names and addresses were leaked on the internet.

“I’m peeping out of a basement vent opposite the Chancellery, in the heart of Berlin,” said Martin, “Even as I speak, there’s Red Army hooligans swarming all over the building, pulling down our beautiful eagle emblems and waving their foreign flags from the rooftop. And would you believe it, some vindictive bastard in a tank’s gone and driven it all over my flash new Merc. I’m looking at a fucking enormous repair bill for that.”

The party’s membership list is said to include details of secret police officers, teachers working in re-education camps and doctors conducting ground-breaking medical research involving lampshades.

“I’ve been hiding in an underground bunker with me lovely Aryan girlfriend all day,” complained Adolf, whose name and details feature prominently in the leaked document. “I’m getting phone calls from all me mates, saying heil me an’ all that bollocks, but they’re about to be strung up from the nearest lamp-post. There’s bloody foreigners everywhere you look, I‘m telling‘ yer. Russians, Yanks, Brits, you name it - it‘s like an invasion round here. I’ve just heard that, right now, there’s a truckload of seppos pissing it up in me holiday home in the mountains, what me and my old pal Hermann spent a right packet doing up. I’m a bag of nerves, straight up, an’ that‘s the truth. I swear, if it goes on any longer I might get all narky, marry the missus, poison the both of us, grab a gun and do meself an injury. It’ll be all over the papers, I can see it now: Evil Scum Harass Lonely Austrian Immigrant Into Suicide Pact. How will that look, eh? This country‘s gone to the dogs, innit?”