Thursday, 31 July 2008

X Marks The Spot - Or So They Want You To Think

Conspiracy theorists turned out in force yesterday in London for the UK premiere of the latest X-Files movie, I Want To Believe, hoping to catch a glimpse of stars David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson.

The film is the second big-screen spin-off from the TV drama-documentary series, which ran from 1993 to 2002 chronicling every paranormal incident that took place in America during that period.

“Everything in the X-Files is 100% true,” insisted 45-year-old fan Justin Geek. “Of course, they had to pretend it was fiction, or THEY would never have allowed it to be shown. It’s all part of the big mind-control experiment that the governments of the world use to keep the truth from us. You can Google it, if you don’t believe me. Check it out.”

Some fans, however, were not convinced by the stars’ red-carpet appearance.

“That’s not Gillian Anderson,” said a disappointed and fearful Robert Anorak, 45. “Scully is a babe. This lookalike is old enough to be my girlfriend, if I ever had one. Sure, there’s some resemblance I suppose, but is that they best THEY could do? I think we should dissect her, in case she’s an alien.”

Another fan, Julie Plain, aged 45, waved her autograph book in rage.

“David Duchovny signed my autograph book at the opening of the last movie in 1998,” she complained. “But look at this signature I got five minutes ago. The D’s are bigger, and there’s a longer tail on the Y. It’s a good forgery – of course, it would be - but what happened to the real David? Why are THEY doing this? I’m going to start a forum thread when I get home – if I get home, of course, because now THEY’ve seen me speaking to you my life is in danger.”

After the premiere, the fans’ elderly parents arrived in a fleet of little Daihatsus to pick them up and take them home.

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