News agencies were distraught today as they discovered the extent of the devastation caused by the earthquake that struck 29 miles south-east of Los Angeles.
Buildings trembled slightly in LA and San Diego and millions of people survived without a scratch as the eastern seaboard of the United States failed to slide into the Pacific Ocean.
“It’s a news disaster,” said one crying reporter. “First we had the hurricane that fizzled out before it had a chance to hurl large swathes of America into the stratosphere. Then that 747 brushed off what should have been a catastrophic explosion, leaving us with nothing but a handful of moany passengers whingeing that the oxygen masks didn’t quite fulfil their expectations. Weston-super-Mare’s pier goes up in smoke, and there’s not even a smouldering, carbonised tramp to show for it. Now this. What won’t go horrifically wrong next?”