The government has come under fire for appearing to do a U-turn on knife crime, after Home Secretary Jacqui Smith denied suggesting that youngsters found to be carrying knifes should be taken to hospitals to meet stabbing victims.
“That’s never going to work,” scoffed Conservative leader David Cameron. “The Prime Minister confronts knife-wielding thugs every time he holds a Cabinet meeting, and it won’t stop them from sticking a knife in his back at the first chance they get. They just laugh about it among themselves. Every time he sees them, it frightens him to death just thinking what they might do to him.”
“I was stabbed in the back myself,” said former Tory PM Sir John Major. “And the hooligans who did it are positively thriving. You have to feel sorry for Gordon Brown, really.”