Let Not Poor Tommy Starve

In an unusual move for a serving chief of staff, General Sir Richard Dannett has called for more of the UK budget to be spent on defence.

“With 5.2% of GDP going into defence, only the Americans spend more than us per capita on their armed forces,” said the general. “That simply isn’t good enough. It is a democratic issue, unfortunately, for the country to decide how much to spend on its armed forces. We need a public debate – although, from my point of view, a military coup might be more fun.”

Sir Richard’s critics have pointed out that, according to the MoD’s own figures, £36bn will be spend on defence this year, and by 2010/11 New Labour will have increased the defence budget by over 11% in real terms since 1997.

“The Navy’s getting two new carriers, and the Brylcreem Boys have their shiny new Eurofighters,” argued the army chief. “Where are my toys? I want a great big nuclear-powered hovering tank the size of a football pitch, with guns all over it and stuff, that can turn into a motor bike.”