The ruthless Zimbabwean dictator Robert Mugabe is still shamelessly attending the emergency UN food summit in Rome.
Although the European Union has imposed travel sanctions on Mr Mugabe’s government, as Zimbabwe’s head of state he is allowed to attend UN meetings. Britain’s International Development Secretary, Douglas Alexander, told reporters that he will snub the African leader, saying it was “obscene” that he was allowed to take part in the conference.
“Mugabe is a deeply unpopular figure at home and abroad, relying on strong-arm tactics to maintain his tenuous grip on power,” said Mr Alexander. “He has no mandate from his people to govern, and should do the decent thing and step aside for a better man. Gordon Brown himself feels very strongly about this issue.”
Mr Mugabe is expected to urge other nations to follow his example by seizing farms and handing them to poor but heavily-armed militias with no experience of crop management.
“After we kicked whitey off the land, our local troops now have just about enough food for most of the year,” he proudly announced. “If the evil racist farmers had built their farms in the middle of our cities too, nobody there would be suffering from malnutrition either. My solution is to turn the opposition into fertiliser, organise a controlled cull of their voters and blame Britain for everything. If everyone followed my lead on this, all of the world’s problems would magically disappear, starting with Morgan Tsvangirai.”
Meanwhile, in the background, some people were apparently trying to find a way to save the poverty-stricken third world from starving to death because of soaring food prices.
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