Monday 2 June 2008

It's Good To Shut The Fuck Up

Researchers at the University of Buffalo have claimed that trauma sufferers who bottle up their feelings fare better than those who are encouraged to talk about their experiences.

The research - based on a two-year survey of 3000 people who were involved in the 9/11 attacks - may lead to the replacement of ‘talking therapies’ with revolutionary new ‘shutting up’ treatments.

However, the British Army said the technique was nothing new.

“After World War One, we sent millions home from the trenches and told them their loved ones would not comprehend the horrors they had witnessed,” said an RAMC spokesman. “In most cases this led to complete recovery, with perfectly normal behaviour like waking up screaming in the night and a healthy tendency to stop whatever they were doing and shake uncontrollably in a blue funk.”

“Of course, we also had another revolutionary technique for treating trauma victims,” added the army doctor. “We shot them.”

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