Middle England was left reeling today after the Daily Mail discovered that rising personal debt was now affecting decent, right-thinking folk in the home counties who read the Daily Mail.
Previously, the prevailing view was that debt was an entirely self-inflicted and well-deserved scourge affecting only feckless chav scum on lawless inner-city estates. However, the Mail revealed the shocking truth, namely that one of its own staff had received one of those horrible computer-generated letters from the bank telling that she had insufficient funds to meet the direct debits on her Docklands apartment and Mercedes SLK, and recommending her to contact the local Citizens’ Advice Bureau for advice on debt management.
“Now desperate middle-class families face huge debt crisis as more and more professionals plunge into the red” screamed the headline that brought terror to the south east and left terrified respectable couples berating each other over the Special K at breakfast.
“My irresponsible husband Thomas has just spent fifty pounds on Grand Theft Auto IV,” said Claudia, 29, from her four-bedroomed Richmond home. “And I don’t know why we need a lawnmower the size of a small tractor – the gardener doesn’t really take very long with his little Flymo.”
33-year-old Thomas, however, said that Claudia had only herself to blame for filling the walk-in wardrobe with “those bloody Manolo Whatsit shoes that always cut her feet to ribbons.”
“I’m poor – poor!” wailed Claudia. “What will the neighbours say when they buy a new Porsche 4x4 and we’re still driving our old Range Rover? It’ll be due for an MOT soon, whatever that means. I feel ill - I’m might have to take an aromatherapy weekend. Or is that just what poor people do in this situation? I must consult my guru.”
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