Delegates at the National Union of Teachers’ conference in Manchester have vowed to put an end to what they call “misleading propaganda” from the armed forces on school visits.
The Ministry of Defence expressed surprise at teachers’ claims that its personnel were using sophisticated techniques to create a “marketised version” of army life, saying: “We don’t know any sofristic – spiffsticated – yeah, that. All our lads do is go in and say, ‘Oi, thicky! Want to earn minimum wage stacking shelves, or get paid loads to play wiv a gun and stuff?’”
Delegate Leanne Trotsky, however, told the conference that it was “prob’ly a war crime or something that these hired killers can burst into the classroom and threaten kids with a career with prospects, without telling them the ugly truth, i.e. that they will have all their arms and legs and heads and stuff blown off, get paraded on Iranian TV in a naff polyester suit, then drop napalm clusters on innocent Afghan babies from 30 million feet.”
The teachers’ representatives voted to back staff who resisted armed forces recruitment visits, presumably by barricading themselves in the staff room with molotov cocktails.
Later, the conference heard that teachers were ill-equipped to deal with indiscipline from unruly pupils, such as orchestrated coughing.
“It’s like a war zone in the classroom these days,” complained a hard-pressed delegate. “They ought to send the army in to sort them out.”
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