Royal Navy Still Unable To Run Modern Warfare 3

NATO is ready to take on any hostile titans

Swingeing defence cuts have left the UK’s armed forces without any hardware capable of running Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, according to shocked NATO allies - who first noticed a shortfall in Britain’s defence capabilities when they were invited to “bring any spare cereal packets” aboard HMS Illustrious for a simulated amphibious assault during the current exercises taking place off the shores of Scotland.

“We’re used to planning operations in our destroyer’s state-of-the-art Xbox Mission Suite,” said a horrified Dutch commander afterwards, “So it came as a bit of a surprise to see a blue-painted table in the middle of the hangar deck with a pair of marines painting Cornflake boxes grey and folding them into rudimentary ships. Haven’t the Royal Navy heard of quad-core laptops?”

Admiral ‘Froggy’ Legg apologised to his NATO counterparts, explaining that Britain’s top strategists were eagerly waiting for couriers to fly out the BNIB Radeon graphics card they bought on eBay, which they hope will upgrade HMS Illustrious’ desktop PC to the minimum spec needed to run MW3.

“Meanwhile, we were hoping to have a splendid Airfix model as the centrepiece of our wargames,” he added with a sigh. “Unfortunately, however, Chief ‘Salty’ McTavish keeps getting high on the glue.”