Stunned Treasury officials - who had confidently predicted that official statistics would confirm that Britain has never had it so good – were today quick to blame the Eurozone, the French presidential elections, Mitt Romney, Sudanese border incidents, Syrian ceasefire violations, the Leveson inquiry, drought, heavy rain, Russell Brand’s drug hell, the body-in-the-bag inquest and the Breivik trial in Norway for the economy’s plunge back into recession.
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| Normal smirkage will be resumed shortly |
“The important thing to bear in mind is that the British economy has nothing whatsoever to do with either Britain or its economy,” mumbled a red-faced civil servant, “And, least of all, the chancellor of the exchequer.”
Mr Osborne was sadly unavailable for comment, he added, as he was currently undergoing emergency surgery for a slipped smirk which happened at 10.00 this morning, although he is expected to announce a 100% cut in the National Audit Office’s budget as soon as the paint dries.
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