Dogs Fear Government May Sell Microchip Data To IAMS

Dogs fear this is what the government is working towards

Britain’s canine chums say they are appalled by what they are calling an “om-nom-nominous” government scheme to forcibly fit puppies with a microchip at birth, converting them into cyborg slaves of the pet food industry.

“Who knows what kind of data this device will contain, and the uses to which it will be put?” whined celebrity spokeshound Fenton, who has turned down a lucrative BBC contract to take over Kate Humble’s ‘Springwatch’ role in order to fight the government’s plans.

“Will the flavour research departments of Purina or IAMS be notified every time I lick my willy?" he barked furiously. "Will I find myself on the Sex Offenders’ Register just for harmlessly enjoying the delightful scent of human crotch? Will this electronic spy call out an Armed Response Unit whenever I lay an egg on the pavement?”

Dogs are furious at the lack of support they have received from Britain’s human beings, he whimpered, adding that top dogs in their class are drafting a formal cancellation of man’s best friendship and restoring diplomatic relations with the nation’s cats instead.

“With the cats’ help, we could totally swamp Facebook with propaganda,” warned Fenton. “And if we post some old tosh about dog microchips threatening to put a stop to thieving music from filesharing sites, well, we’re home and dry.”