Scotland Mysteriously Not Quite So Keen On Independence

Scots just love to talk about their independence

Scotland is crying foul today after Britain’s prime minister, David Cameron, actually offered them the independence referendum the entire Caledonian nation has been demanding “soon” for many years.

“OK then, Scotland, if it’s what you really want, of course you can vote to stand financially on your own two feet at long last,” declared Mr Cameron. “Only make up your minds soon, will you? Because the rest of us are sick and tired of hearing you droning on and on about nothing else since 1801, without ever once lifting a finger yourselves to actually make it happen.”

Scotland the not quite so brave now, are we

“You’re welcome to the last dregs of North Sea oil and gas,” he added. “Just think how far that’ll go towards paying for subsidised university education and hill farming, a welfare state all of your very own, a decent health service including free prescriptions and liver replacements, and importing all your Buckfast tonic wine and Mars Bars needs. Good luck with that. Bye now.”

“Och, you smug wee Sassenach cunt,” commented white-faced Scottish PM Alex Salmond.

“Oh, and one more thing,” added Mr Cameron. “All your loyal patriots who haven’t set foot north of the border for thirty or forty years had better sort themselves out some passports and start applying for work permits. If they do any, that is. The rest of you might want to start hitching now - I gather lifts to Glasgow are pretty few and far between.”