Joey The Horse Cited In Brand-Perry Divorce Papers, Found Stoned On Hollywood Boulevard, Makes Anti-Semitic Remarks To Arresting Officer, Hopes To Branch Into Directing

It's the same, sorry tale of Hollywood excess

Looking dishevelled and ungroomed, ‘War Horse’ top movie star Joey the Horse held a press conference today to apologise for the bizarre outburst he whinnied angrily at a police officer who arrested him yesterday - for staggering down Hollywood Boulevard, high as a kite on sugar lumps - in which he claimed that the Jews were responsible for all war films.

“I have been under terrific strain lately,” Joey neighed to Tinseltown hacks. “I’ve been cited as a co-respondent in the Russell Brand and Katy Perry divorce – I’m not at liberty to say who with – and I confess that I have fallen victim to a terrible addiction to nosebag candy.”

Joey added that, after detoxing at the Vetty Ford Clinic, he hopes to get behind the cameras to direct ‘Race Boy’, a moving tale of a magnificent chestnut farmer who is cruelly drafted into an inequine steeplechase run by criminally incompetent donkeys.

“Of course, the scenes of slaughter where thousands and thousands of brave but uncomprehending humans are callously ordered over the top of the hurdles by their asinine generals will be harrowing to watch,” promised Joey, “But that’s not really at the heart of the film. In fact, it’s not important at all. What matters is that, against 100-1 odds, the plucky farmer wins the race - only to face the knacker’s yard afterwards.”