Tory Critics To Remake ‘The Iron Lady’

Following widespread Tory condemnation of Margaret Thatcher biopic ‘The Iron Lady’ for having the front to show the former prime minister as the dribbling old ratbag she actually is, rather than the all-knowing genius they fondly pretend, David Cameron has unveiled ambitious plans to produce a remake which will re-educate filmgoers by proving that it is the entire Conservative Party - rather than the object of its unquestioning worship - which is living in a confused shadowland of tragic delusion.

“It is disturbing and tasteless to depict the blessed St Margaret in her twilight years, rather than concentrating solely on her miraculous achievements as a blue colossus bestriding the cowering world, stamping her pointy heel down on miners hell-bent on world domination, smiting Argentina from the face of the earth and demolishing the Berlin Wall with a single swipe of her trusty handbag,” declared director Mr Cameron, whilst trying to figure out how to load a roll of 35mm film into a DV-camera.

The Thing That Should Not Be

Tory moguls have already cast backbench media tart Louise Mensch as their insiprational heroine, with her cadaverous sidekick Norman Tebbit to be recreated entirely in CGI in a storyline which will replace the present-day decline shown in the current film with a Tory dream sequence - in which Baroness Thatcher will imperiously summon a humble God to her flying palace and browbeat him with her glorious achievements until he agrees to step down in her favour. Meanwhile, Mel Gibson and Ross Kemp are hotly tipped by industry insiders for the roles of evil supervillains Michael Foot and Neil Kinnock.

“If the Tories don’t think this film should be shown while Thatcher’s still drawing breath, we can think of a much simpler solution,” said the North of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, “And we could do with a bloody good street party.”