Wednesday, 7 December 2011

Cancer Caused By Living Your Life, Moan Doctors

Stop that right now
Most cancers develop as the direct and entirely avoidable result of you enjoying your life, warned frowning doctors today in the British Journal Of Stop That At Once.

“Eating, drinking, watching TV, driving when you should be running to work in all weathers,” barked lead researcher Dr James Kiljoy, “That sort of hedonistic nonsense.”

“And you bloody smokers, I’m warning you - if you ever come near my hospital coughing up a lung, I’ll bloody sue your ass off for spreading airborne cancer,” he shouted.

A purple-faced Dr Kiljoy went on, at some length, to explain that the only way you will avoid dying a protracted and agonising death is by renouncing the world, restricting your diet to a lettuce leaf and a glass of water a day and running practice marathons - until the happy day when you eventually succumb to a mercifully swift heart attack.

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