Crapfone Whyhouse To Sell Chinese Phones To China

Even as it shuts down its UK joint venture with US retail giant Bad Buy to sell electrical stuff they don’t need to consumers who can’t afford it, resulting in 1,100 job losses, essential lifestyle toy retailer Crapfone Whyhouse is already making plans with its US partner to sell mobile phones made in China to the people of China.

That thing you make will make your lives complete

“Finally, the Chinese drones who are driven by economic necessity to slave away in latter-day concentration camps like Foxconn will be able to enjoy the fruits of their efforts, neatly completing the circle,” enthused Crapfone Whyhouse CEO and legendary Queen drummer Roger Taylor.

“Imagine how complete their ant-like lives will be once they are compulsorily permitted to spend the tiny portion remaining in their pay packets - after deductions for food, lodging and bus fare from the dormitory part of the compound to the factory area - on the small objects of desire they are banging out for pennies," he explained. "Under China’s wisely restrictive regulations on personal communications, they will be permitted to revel in the daily toilet-break luxury of tweeting to each other just how inordinately happy they feel to be contributing to our profit margins.”

It is also hoped that the labour camps will be eventually spared the expense of playing inspiring Communist marching songs over their factory-wide PA systems, as workers enthusiastically download their personal choice of Communist marching songs at a marginally reasonable price once they have worked enough compulsory overtime to pay for their little pocket friends.