75% Of City Financiers Say: ‘Yes I Do Get Paid Far Too Much, Thanks’

A banker's idea of what the struggling poor look like

Three quarters of London’s finance professionals happily agreed that they get paid a stupid amount of money, according to a report published by the St Paul’s Institute, a think tank linked to the Square Mile’s cathedral.

“Why, the gap between me and the poor is simply disgraceful, old boy,” commented James Spreadsheet, a senior bean counter of one of the ‘big three’ accountancy firms. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to advise some clients to sack hundreds more little people and freeze the pay of the ones who are left. Then I’ve got to charge the silly buggers the usual couple of hundred grand. No rest for the virtuous, you know.”

“The bonus culture definitely needs reforming,” pointed out Rob Blind, a guilt-stricken futures trader. “The bloody markets are so stagnant I’ll be lucky if this year’s bonus even covers the road tax on the Porsche, let alone buys me a new one. Tell you what, my friend, why don’t we abolish these rotten bonuses altogether and replace them with a much fairer system of huge salary increases?”

All of the 515 City professionals questioned in the survey insisted that their firm was a ship of probity in a sea of ravenous sharks and begged the public to appreciate their efforts more, as they staggered out of Coq d’Argent and other City dining establishments after selflessly redistributing some of their vast wealth to the poor restauranteurs of the Square Mile.