Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Cameron Admits Clegg Is Hard Work

Christ, imagine this every bloody morning
Prime minister David Cameron has told reporters that coalition partner Nick Clegg is “hard work”, as the Tories and Liberal Democrats mark the first anniversary of their unholy alliance.

“You have no idea how vexing it is to go into my office to confront the soppy sight of Nick Clegg huddled in a corner every single morning, hugging the waste paper basket and sobbing like a child,” admitted Mr Cameron. “Some days, I tell you, my hand is red raw from slapping his puffy, tear-streaked cheeks and telling him to man up, for god's sake, before somebody points a camera at him.”

“Eventually, of course, I hand him a tissue and he’s so pathetically grateful he’ll spend the rest of the day nodding ridiculously at every word I say,” added the PM. “But it gets to you, it really does. Still, I take comfort from the knowledge that Churchill had five long years of it with Clement Attlee.”

Nick Clegg, meanwhile, has announced that he has grave misgivings.

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