Tories Kindly Tell Jobcentres To Stop Forcing Disabled To Strip

Not so easy with a wheelchair, concedes minister

As of today, and pending full legislation later in the year, the caring Tory-led coalition government have thoughtfully stopped Jobcentres from forcing vulnerable people into the clutches of the sex industry, announced Chris Grayling, Minister for Employment.

“After an eye-watering inspection of London’s leading establishments, I have come to the conclusion that lasciviously rubbing their pert, naked breasts down a drooling executive’s face may not be an entirely suitable employment opportunity for somebody with Parkinson’s, for example,” said Mr Grayling. “And proprietors have told me that employees with severe learning difficulties tend to dispel the ambience of charged eroticism by forgetting to remove their manky socks, or throwing the baying punters a pair of horribly skid-marked knickers. And I myself had an unfortunate experience only a week ago, when a self-medicating psychopath’s alluring come-hither routine involving my tie turned into a terrifying struggle for survival.”

“I wouldn’t have minded,” he added, involuntarily rubbing his throat, “But I wasn’t booked for the Sado Humiliation Dungeon Sexperience until Thursday.”