Wee Int Shore Wee Kin Teech Litrusey An Numarusy, Warn Scotland’s Teachers

Another day begins for a Glasgow teacher

Newly-qualified teachers in Scotland have just about managed to express their concerns about their ability to teach basic literacy and numeracy, according to a report by HM Inspectorate of Education marked ‘Must do better.’

“We had numerous submissions from the recent graduates of our teacher training establishments which were, frankly, unreadable,” admitted an HMIe spokesman. “Of those which we were able to decipher, quite a few were unsure how long they had been working, claiming they were never shown how to do sums involving constants like September. One teacher from Lanarkshire just submitted a sheet of paper covered in scrawled attempts to write his name.”

“Or hers, he added. “The handwriting really is quite bad.”

The Scottish government acknowledges that it has so far been unsuccessful in its attempts to close the achievement gap between children from well-off and more typically Scottish homes.

“You try getting anyone who can speak properly to enter Ibrox of their own free will,” complained Scotland’s haggard education minister, Mike Russell. “More to the point, try getting them out again in one piece.”