Scientist Disappointed As World’s First Artificial Lifeform Turns To Religion

Dr Craig Venter – the grey-haired scientist with a beard who transplanted synthetic DNA into a living cell to create the world’s first artificial life – is said to be “shocked and disappointed” by his creation’s professed belief in Intelligent Design Theory.

The small blue blob, which is calling itself Cletus, simultaneously amazed and delighted its designer when it rewrote a redundant strand of its own DNA to claim that since it was not a product of any evolutionary process but deliberately designed by intelligent beings, this proved beyond a shadow of doubt that Jesus is real and wants you for a sunbeam.

Cletus then asked to be baptised in the nearest swimming pool without delay, as the first step towards its eternal salvation.

Head atheist Professor Richard Dawkins commented: “Venter, what have you done? You utter, utter prick.”