Moaning Passengers Glad To Be Reunited With Moaning Families

The same emotional scenes were being played out at airports all over the UK today, as the first flights began to disgorge their grumpy cargo of moaning British passengers into the folded arms of their moaning families.

"Typical bloody government," moaned typical returnee Rob Blind. "There was never any bloody danger from a little bit of bloody ash. I'm a bloody expert at risk assessment - all this time I could have been back at my desk at the bank trading futures. I offered the girl at the check-in the benefit of my expert opinion, but did she bloody put me in touch with her bloody bosses?"

"And I missed the bloody national lottery on Saturday," he moaned. "Don't bloody tell me I saved ten quid, that's ten good chances of winning bloody millions that I'll never get back."

Meanwhile, Britain's airlines have been moaning about the Europe-wide travel ban which has only now been lifted.

"We bloody said all along there was no bloody danger at all," moaned a spokesman for British Airways. "Have you seen the size of a bloody turbofan? How can something that bloody huge be affected by a little bit of bloody fag ash? It's bloody ridiculous. We'd gladly have chanced it, I bloody swear. Bloody EU, bloody governments, bloody Gordon Brown for following the bloody silly advice from the bloody International Civil Aviation Organisation. Remember that before you bloody start on us about compensation."

"I'm just bloody glad my husband's back in one bloody piece," moaned Mrs Penelope Blind. "Now perhaps he can bloody explain why he was on telly yesterday with his arm round his bloody secretary in the Canaries, when he told me he was going to a bloody banking conference in bloody Dusseldorf."

Meanwhile, holiday resorts are still waving goodbye to thousands of moaning Britons who are ill-temperedly queueing to get into departure lounges.

"Of course, we love our dear British friends and the hilarious jokes they told about overcharging while they were drinking the bar dry," said a haggard Spanish barman, carefully removing his earplugs. "And we sincerely hope they come again. One day."