War With Ryanair Looms After Humiliating Climbdown

Screaming mad Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary has escalated the war of words with Europe after he was forced to pay reparations to his wretched passengers, overturning his earlier pledge to treat them like cattle as usual.

O'Leary had earlier vowed to repay his stranded victims nothing more than their original airfare, instead of the full reparations demanded by European airline regulations. He is now paying the expenses they incurred while stranded by the Icelandic ash plume, claiming that his earlier statement was "a mistake".

The crazed executive - who is known for his bizarre, ranting outbursts and his irrational desire to make his much-maligned passengers pay for everything he possibly can think of - also vowed to fight what he called the "absurd and discriminatory EU 261 regulations".

O'Leary's vaunted air force consists of 202 Boeing 737-800 aircraft, each with sufficient range to threaten many of Europe's leading cities.

A spokesman for Boeing pointed out that the 737 is a passenger aircraft, and is designed purely for peaceful purposes. However, aviation industry experts pointed out that Hitler said exactly the same about the Heinkel He111, but that didn't stop it from bombing London in 1940.