Saturday 24 April 2010

Extreme Nationalist Party Launches Sick, Twisted Manifesto

Claiming that its policies in favour of self-government, the abolition of quangos and sending outsiders to the bottom of the housing list demonstrate that it has moved beyond petty nationalism, Mebyon Kernow today launched its manifesto in the full glare of the media spotlight, according to a stringer hoping to sell his exclusive scoop to the West Briton newspaper.

The notorious nationalist party says that its ten candidates, if elected, will create a regional assembly for Cornwall - unilaterally declaring the remote county's independence from the hated South West Regional Development Agency, which they say is totally dominated by foreigners from Bristol.

"Mebyon Kernow stands for more than just hating the rest of the world," emphasised the party's much-ridiculed leader, Cllr Dick Cole, as he launched its nine-page manifesto in the car park of County Hall in Truro. "Look, on page 6 there's a bit about manufacturing stuff locally. I, for one, look forward to the day when I can surf the Cornish web with my 100% Cornish rPhone."

Mr Cole was joined in the car park by a supporter dressed as St Piran, i.e. wearing a huge millstone round his neck.

Cynics - of which Cornwall is not lacking - suggest, however, that the nationalists' manifesto lacks depth.

"'Tis all very well, inum, prom'sin' ay increase in that thurr pursonal tax 'lowance to £10,000, me 'ansum," said a man who was walking his dog nearby. "'Im'll boost the income of everyone in Cornwall, 'cos none of us buggers do earn that much. Only problem's I can see's that this 'ere local income tax he'm also slipped in's goin' 'aff t'be bleddy 'normous t'pay orl they infrastructure costs o' runnin' 'is regional 'sembly."

"Inum?" he added.

1 comment:

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