Notwithstanding suggestions that a separate army, navy and air force may soon be unsustainable, defence minister Bob Ainsworth today promised the nation that the future of the UK's enormous nuclear cock is assured.
In a speech intended to reassure the Daily Mail that the sun has still not set on the British Empire, Mr Ainsworth also said it was likely that the construction of two new aircraft carriers will also go ahead - although they may not actually carry any aircraft. Or crew.
"With the country defended by two vast floating bricks and an enormous nuclear cock that can be unzipped and waved menacingly at any aggressor within minutes of the Americans agreeing to give us the launch codes, the British people can feel completely safe from any sneak attack from a resurgent Zulu nation or the dreaded Fuzzy-Wuzzies," promised the defence secretary. "And you hardly need three services to operate that kind of hardware. One TA corporal and a few deckhands from the Isle of Skye ferry should be enough to meet out future defence requirements."
"Which is just as well," he added, "Since there won't be any money left in the pot for anyone else."
A spokesman for the Fuzzy-Wuzzies privately admitted that they would not like Britain's enormous nuclear cock up them.
3 comments:
Good God Man! This is the 21st century!
Using the word Cock does not need a fucking "Beware: There be dragons here" warning.
And another comment from the other day when I was too drunk to type,
Jesus Wept! This is like watching Laurence Olivier in Panto at Skeggy.
Get a fuckin' book published: www.lulu.com
Coincidentally, I've just recommended www.lulu.com to a friend.
I've resisted it myself so far, partly out of inertia but also because nothing goes stale as fast as current affairs-based satire.
Yes, but a good cock joke is timeless.
See Petronius' Satyricon
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