As a bankrupt Britain moves closer to the most important election in a generation, the media swung into action to explain the issues people face in their struggle to keep their heads above water - by throwing huge sums of money at the owner of the orifice that proved irrestistible to a man who gets paid stupid amounts just to kick a ball around.
"The story of Vanessa Perroncel's fadge is, quite simply, the story of everybody in Britain," explained publicist Max Clifford this morning. "She just lay there with a big dopey grin on her face, while rich morons queued up to shaft her senseless."
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