Thatcher Insanity Traced Back to 1979

Former prime minister Baroness Thatcher was as mad as a hatter even before winning the 1979 general election, according to new papers which fell out of her old handbag.

A note - hand-scrawled in crayon on the back of a vet's prescription for horse steroids - shows that Mrs Thatcher was ravenously consuming 28 testicles a day in preparation for the election campaign which swept her to power.

"It appears that Mrs Thatcher may have got the idea into her head that the way for a woman to succeed in the male-dominated corridors of power was to become a she-man herself," commented a health fascist this morning. "According to cannibal beliefs, a warrior can acquire the characteristics of their enemy by eating the body parts associated with those characteristics."

"Just don't ask what she washed them down with," added the dietician with a shudder. "There's probably a reason why Denis looked so drained back then."

Other documents which fell out of a stuffed diary show dozens of receipts for razor blades, which the diary reveals were needed in quantity to remove the rapidly-increasing growth of hair from her legs, chest and arse.